Inspiration at the Circus

Recently I've been thinking a lot about what to write about for this super long grad school application essay I need to complete in under two weeks. One of the questions they want me to address is my most interesting failure to date, and I just had no idea what to say!

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means perfect. But I think in order to feel like you've failed you have to regret what you've done... and while I've definitely made my fair share of mistakes, I don't regret having made them because each time I've learned from them and grown as a person. I don't look at my life kabobbles as failures, but rather learning experiences.

The more I thought about writing this essay, the more I thought about why I was even applying to this grad school anyhow. For one, it is an insane amount of money, and I have no idea how I'd ever be able to afford it. They also don't allow you to defer your acceptance, and you can't go part time so I'd have to quit my job (which I adore) to go to this school. All of these downsides make me question if I really want to give up so much for this particular program. I think the courses sound fun, but is fun really worth giving up my job and financial security?

Then on Sunday I went to see a Swedish circus (which was amazing, by the way). The theme of the circus was conquering your fears, and the director wrote the following in his note:

We all carry fear within us, which can be good, because it reminds us of life's frailty. But fear also limits us and makes us live as if half-dead instead of fully alive.

I thought about this some, and I think what he said can by applied to my situation. I think I know that the school would be worth the sacrifice and the effort, but it's scary to give up everything familiar and safe in pursuit of academia. It's even scary just to apply (this is a really competitive school, so I'm preparing myself for rejection)! But I realized on Sunday as I watched the circus performers fly through the air and perform stunts that wowed the audience that sometimes you just have to suppress your fears and take the leap.

Still, it's scary.