My Bubble

I've been thinking about how I go about my day to day life, and I've determined that I seem live in a bit of a bubble. Many of you are probably familiar with a college bubble, a bubble of friends, and of course the very similar "own little world." So yeah, it's basically the same idea.

When I'm in my bubble I sometimes don't notice what is going on around me. I focus on what I'm thinking, where I'm going, make to do lists in my head and so on. People sometimes talk to me and I don't even realize they are talking to me until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't notice people, buildings, my phone ringing. I also look frightfully sad - I put on this sort of blank stare that I am sure is not too pleasant.

Many people think I enter my bubble a lot, but the truth of the matter is about 80% of the time when people think I'm in my "own little world," I am actually paying close attention to what's going on around me. To those around me, I'm in my bubble. To me, I'm acutely aware of my surroundings and the events taking place. This is my fake bubble, a state I like to be in so people won't bother me.

Two events made me realize that living in my fake bubble is not a good idea. The first less embarrassing incident was when students were playing computer games the other day during the school day (a big no-no). I know I'm a teacher, but these kids were not my students, and I felt a little uncomfortable investigating and dealing with the situation. So I just retreated into my fake bubble. I feigned ignorance when really I knew exactly what was going on. This is obviously not cool and something I need to get over right away.

The second event (and the one I feel terribly bad about) happened when I was walking down the street the other day. I was running a bit late and was in a hurry. I was also in my fake bubble. I saw a dog running down the sidewalk straight at me, and I heard someone yelling something. The thing is, I realized a few seconds before the dog reached me that the shouting was a woman, and she was yelling for her dog to come back. I should have just grabbed the dog, but instead I let him run on by. When the woman ran past me she was sobbing and could barely breath, and I felt like such a shit. What was I thinking? That's the worst thing I've done in a really long time.

I've come to realize that entering into the real bubble is inevitable. Everyone does it, and sometimes there is no avoiding it. The fake bubble is a sort of protection against my mistakes - if I was not aware of the situation, how can someone hold me accountable? I hate the fake bubble... what an awful way to be.

I've decided to desert my fake bubble as much as I can. I'll be a better person for it! And I've been trying to not exactly smile when I walk down the streets or wait for the train, but to look like a pleasant, friendly person. I think it is working, as I had three people ask me for directions today. It's a start. :-)